In pursuant to forwith, and notwithstanding what shall be heretofor included thusly for habeous corpus, ipso facto ramalamadingdong. Further, a yabba dabba doo, shazzbat, and awop-bop-a-loo-mop alop bam boom.
By reading beyond the first line, you herefore forfeit any intrinsic, implied, inherited, and intraveinous rights granted to you by your local municipality, city, state, country, continent, hemisphere, planet, solar system, galaxy, universe, and the big guy, mack daddy God himself, Allah, all praises be to him. You are, however, still bound by the Patriot Act. Please ensure that your tracking chip has been securely installed in your vehicle, pets, and skull.
Further, you agree that your e-mail address may be sucked from your hard drive using magical hacker tricks and e-mails will be sent out from your address with titles such as "Hey limpdick! Grow a set of balls and buy this Ci@li$!" and when anyone confronts you about this, you are required, by this binding and holy agreement you have bound yourself to, to tell them "I sent you that e-mail because I am uptight and read privacy policies".
Also, send $20 to us. Use the contact form to request a current mailing address. If you want a reply once you've sent in your donation please include a self addressed stamped postcard with a multiple choice of no more than four (4) items which are possible responses you'd like to receive. Dr. Boddicker, or his assistant Eldon, will check one of the responses. To guarantee a response, please provide your FedEx or UPS account number and an additional $35 in the following denomination: 1 ten dollar bill, 1 twenty dollar bill, 4 dollar bills, and 1 IOU for $1 to be called upon at a later date. If you are elderly, please include said IOU for $1 in your estate planning, payable by your estate to Boddicker Enterprises. As a matter of fact, it's a nutty world, so no matter what your age just go ahead and do that anyway. Hell, you could get hit by a bus in like 20 minutes. So, as this may be the last thing you ever read, you had best get on the horn with a lawyer and get your will amended. Go! Now!