Please use this form to contact Dr. Boddicker and the entire staff at Baldwinization Centers of America.

Please keep your messages short and to the point.

Avoid words with more than three syllables.

Do not bring up topic of the Colorado Cadaver Scandal.

Avoid at all costs using the letters Z and G, in that order, in the same sentence.

G and Z are acceptable only if used in the same word, but not if referring to a gazelle. This leaves you pretty much with "guzzle", "gaze", and "g’izzle" (as in “wha' 'sup my g’izzle fo’ shizzle”, however, do not use such a phrase because Dr. Boddicker is terrified of urban lingo and most minorities).

If you are Nigerian and want to leave all of your money to Boddicker Enterprises, by all means please let us know what needs to be done to complete this transaction. You will receive our banking information posthaste. Please, nobody else pretend to be the Nigerian President in an attempt to defraud us. We will not be checking to see if you are truly the Nigerian President, so we'll go on the honor system.