The word "Baldwinization" literally means "transformation into the beauty". It comes from the Latin words "Baldwin", meaning "supple, pouting lips and rugged jawline" and "ization" meaning "to turn into with great ease and pleasant aroma".
Baldwinization is the process by which your average John and Jane Q Public can go from horrific suburban zombie Funyon eaters to jet setting, dashing, promiscuous visages of the Baldwin Brother of their choice.
Man is an ugly, dumpy being. Sure, there is the occasional semi-attractive person that one can stand to be in the presence of without risk of severe acid reflux. But it wasn't until a man was born into this world that displayed such rugged, supple good looks that encompassed all that is man, yet also on a grand enough scale of perfection that it can encompass all humanity, that the true capacity for Man's beauty was understood. That man was Alec Baldwin. And soon after followed three of the most glamorous, manly, and rugged brothers ever birthed into this world.
As a Baldwinization client, nobody is asked to change their name or take up the very competitive acting profession. While most Baldwinization clients are fully equipped to make a handsome living off of their new good looks, it is up to the client how they utilize their own newfound attractiveness.
Through Baldwinization, people the world over are achieving new levels of professional respect, sexual release, financial freedom, and unbelievable savings on name brand products.
The Baldwinization procedure is a relatively painless and in fact quite a pleasurable sensation. No matter what your gender, age, or ethnicity, the fact is that underneathe we all look the same, as evidenced in this photo of an actual Baldwinization patient, mid-surgery. This "sameness" in the underlying human structure allows us to achieve miraculous results in human transformation.
The procedure has been successfully applied to a seven-hundred pound black woman, a quadruple amputee dwarf, and an entire Ugandan soccer team, each with incredibly interesting results. And dozens more have discovered for themselves the level of respect that is commanded by true Baldwin Beauty.
Following a short recovery period, Baldwinization clients discover that they have more confidence, a raging sex drive, and a level of intrinsic charisma that can only be achieved through the rugged features of America's First Family of Acting!
Dr. Clive Boddicker is the founder of the Baldwinization Centers of America. He is also the acclaimed author of "Drop the Cruller, Fat Ass!", the revolutionary diet book that was described as "In English" and "256 Pages in large font" by the New York Times and "contractually fulfilled" by the Law Firm of Pinkerton, Duff, and Graves.
In addition to being a highly compensated author and frequently contracted motivational speaker, Dr. Clive Boddicker is also a fully accredited Doctor of Holistic Surgery and Herbal Narcotic Synthesis from the East Colfax Institute of Greater Consciousness and Global Understanding and Holistic Healing.
As the creator and lucratively compensated head surgeon of the Baldwinization Centers of America, Dr. Boddicker is also proud to display his own Alec Baldwin willowy, glistening lips and flowing, fluffy chest hair. To show his love and commitment to his craft, Dr. Boddicker even performed the surgery on himself with minimal assistance and sedation. The procedure was documented for the 2006 reality series "Baldwin My Face" for VH1, but the project was abandoned during post production following objections from the network's insurance provider. Dr. Boddicker has compiled the raw footage into an exciting DVD boxed set, which includes new footage featuring his recent newsworthy encounter with serial killer Wendel Henry Holmes.
Eldon Nugent is the webmaster and full-time live-in assistant to Dr. Boddicker. He is responsible for bridging Dr. Boddicker's depressingly limited computer literacy with his high-tech endeavors.
A one-time male hustler and teenage runaway, Eldon has found a new pride and self-respect in the smoky good looks of Alec Baldwin, circa "Married to the Mob". As the earliest living Alec Baldwinization, Eldon's features possess a unique, very interesting variation and distinct, unpolished quality, much like good jazz. Amidst all of that chaos, there is beauty.